What's love got to do with it?
Thank you, Tina Turner!
I was raised in a musical family. We all sang and loved to dance. My parents were of the 40’s and 50’s which translated into a house full of swing music (dad’s favorite) and pop classics (mom’s favorite) - sappy stuff like Richie Valens’ Donna'. It was typical for us to push the furniture out of our tiny living room so that we could jitterbug and twist. While we danced, we all sang along. During the sappier love songs, my parents would fall into a perfect glide holding one another close and harmonizing in the way only they could. In the next heartbeat, dad would scoop my sister or me in his arms and we were back off in full swing dance mode.
Whenever those love songs would play and my parents would sway gently to the music, I would be fighting back tears. Of course, if my sister saw me tear up, the teasing was swift and intense. Which meant I had to “go to the bathroom” each time. It became so bad, mom had me test for kidney issues ! In truth, while I was hiding, the voice in my head was me beating myself up - what is wrong with me that I am such a cry baby?
Fast forward a couple of decades- I am a parent, who still loves music and plays my guitar for my own daughter and for friends. Whenever I would play the love songs, even the “love stinks” variety, I would fight back tears. When the song was over, I found my self asking “did you feel that?” I guess predictably the answer was always “yea, it was good, keep playing. This tie sing a happy one” And I would then play something upbeat, get everyone laughing and singing, while in my head those same old doubts would come up.
So hear I sit, a few more decades further along on life’s journey and the songs of love still bring me to tears. Indeed, the thought of true, deep, unconditional love still brings me to absolute fear. It has taken a lot of work, reflection and prayer to understand the why behind the depth of my reaction.
Music and vibration has always been the pulse of my life. It is the one thing that opens me up to complete vulnerability, and truth. Unconditional love is the purest emotion and the purest frequency there which exists. The combination of the frequency, vibration, and the feeling of pure love which I experience through music leaves me completely open, naked to the world and to myself.
Several weeks ago, I was guided to focus on love my theme for the month of May. As April was drawing to a close, I found myself shifting to happiness. Thinking that I would push the love theme out a month “until I had more time to think about what I wanted to say.” I am really good at coming up with excusing for things I want to avoid. But the universe had other plans.
As April turned to May, messages of love kept popping into my life. The voices in my head kept saying “do it - focus on love - write about it, talk about it, do it!!” There I sat for a few days, paralyzed and caught between my logical mind and my higher self.
Last night, I asked for guidance to come in my dreams. The simple question - Why am I avoiding the focus on love? And boy did the answer come loud and clear. FEAR. Fear of the vulnerability, fear of the transparency, fear of the judgement, fear of being hurt. For to speak about love, write about love, let alone live with a fully open heart means all of those things must exist and I have to be open to them. Let’s face it - it is so much easier to dance to swing music, then to dance heart to heart.
So here I go..into the deep end (feel free to sing Shallow…I am). This will be a challenging month, and it is exactly what it needs to be. No more running to the bathroom to hide. The kimono is open and I stand naked and open to love - to give and receive to everyone and everything.
My first step is writing this blog and to be vulnerable with you about my journey.
My challenge to you is to dive into the deep end with me, it is worth it!